I just went back and read some of the horrible comments I've received from people in the past.
I remember how hurtful it was and how much I wanted to just dissapear from it all. I felt helpless and hopeless.
The internet can be a terrible place.
When people aren't accountable for what they say they feel a certain sense of power. The ability to judge others without being judged ourselves is a position of immense dominance. It's exhilarating to exercise that dominance over another person.
But now, looking back, I realize that it doesn't bother me anymore. I don't even bother hiding, deleting or responding to those comments because it just doesn't bug me. I feel a resounding "eh",
I keep those comments up so that people can see the kind of behaviour that people reduce themselves to when they're behind a computer screen. Every "this is shit" or ""he" is just a dyke and a "she"" has meaning to me now. It means that I've overcome something that I never would have thought possible. I'm not hurt by that anymore. Why would I be?
I know my cosplay isn't great. But I love to do it so negative comments aren't going to stop me. Really you're just telling me what I already know! And it pushes me to try harder next time which is always positive. As for the more personal comments... well, I am who I am. And although I've been prone to pretty intense insecurity and self-dissastifaction in the past, I'm in the best shape of my life right now (physically and psychologically)... and I owe a lot of that to criticism and negativity. It only pushes me to keep going.
I'm happy. And I'm thankful that I don't need to lurk behind anonymity and animosity to feel exhilaration and strength. I feel that every day when I look back at how far I've come and look forward to how bright the future looks.